The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
