1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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