Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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