I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
