and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you made out with another girl for some wings
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
