Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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