ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
