Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

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(239): View more from Florida

it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.

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(707): View more from California

I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

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(904): View more from Florida

Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

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(760): View more from California

The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation

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(585): View more from New York

I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out

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(402): View more from Nebraska

doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....

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(360): View more from Washington

If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him

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