I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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