So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
