from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
