while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
