i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.