How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.