she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?