I will die if light touches me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.