I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
