you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
