3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize