and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
