remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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