I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
