cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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