Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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