Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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