come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
