First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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