if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
