and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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