OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
