is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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