I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
