hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
