i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I believe in your delicious
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
