listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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