I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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