But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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