my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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