I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
