he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
