I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's like iHOP with fire
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
