only if we run a train.
done.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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