He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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