I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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