Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
