i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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