She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
how drunk are you?
Several
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
