did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
