i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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