i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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