I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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