the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
