You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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