I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
