I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
