Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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