I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
