i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
