Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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