i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
