I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
