i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
