Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
