Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
