so that wasnt chicken after all
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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