I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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