Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
