Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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